Don’t let anyone dim your purple

A tale of two voices, pre and post divorce

Once upon a time, I got married.

It was the worst decision of my life. It hurt. I lost my voice. I lost myself.

It’s a far too common story of a woman trauma-bonding with a man. I thought conventionality would fix me. Work hard, buy a house, get married.

It didn’t. I made a bad decision and as my knees knocked almost to the point of me falling down at the alter, I felt it in every atom of my being.

But it was too late. All eyes on me.

I said, ‘I do.’

By bedtime the newly married couple weren’t speaking. The groom slept on the sofa.

The face of a woman who knows she just spectacularly screwed up.

Then came the purple shoes.

There were jibes, reprimands, and cold shoulders over many things. But one episode sticks out now because of a recent ‘purple’ LinkedIn post that shows me how far I’ve come.

Rewind.

I walked downstairs like any usual morning, dressed for school. But this day, I’d decided to wear shiny, patent leather platform purple shoes.

Now, when my husband met me, I was my outlandish fashionista self. I wore tutus and biker boots, a lot. Over the years of our relationship, however, I toned it down. So, on this day, my footwear surprised him.

He said, ‘What the f$@k are you wearing those for? Are you f$@king someone at school?’ with such venom I stared at my feet. Unable to meet his glare.

I tried to defend myself with a, ‘Don’t be ridiculous. They’re just shoes. They’re for me.’ But it didn’t wash. I sighed. Turned on my rather spectacular heel and clomped back upstairs to change.

Fast forward.

It’s 12 years since my divorce. We lasted 18 months. It took years to rebuild my character, confidence and to create a new me.

And here she is.

I recently posted on LinkedIn (without a thought of the purple shoe correlation):

“Last week, I dressed for a first date. Head to toe in purple. 💜

5 pieces: jumper, pants, boots, shoes and handbag. It happened organically. And, I thought, ooh that’s a bit much, but I like it.

Once upon a time, I’d have changed and toned it down. Worrying what first impression I’d give. Don’t wanna be too ‘out there.’ 😬

But nowadays, I bring my full-throttle self. 🔥 If they don’t like it, they’re not my person.

It’s the same in business. I attract clients by being bold.

They can love it or keep on walking. (With love). 💋”

We had a second date but he wasn’t my person.

So the moral of the story is, don’t let anyone dim your purple.

Don’t let them diminish you in any way.

People can love you as you are, or jog on.

Thanks for being here,

Much love, mwah 💋.