This month’s very personal blog came to me a few days ago, loud and clear, on a beach in rural Queensland.
It’s a bit of an odd one, as I usually only write about things I’m resolved with. This isn’t.
But, I feel it’s a message others might benefit from, so I’m sharing it.
And the irony isn’t lost on me, that the blog edition is Let’s Get Loud - about projecting our voices and owning who we are. Whereas this one, is about creating space to hear the little voice deep down inside that knows what is good for us.
It’s been a big year.
To give you some context, it’s been a big year.
I didn’t expect that starting a business on the side of teaching secondary English would be so hard.
I couldn’t predict this would be the year I’m given Year 12 (I’d stayed clear for 7 years by choice).
And I’m in the rewriting/editing stages of my memoir with my mentor, a project that’s been bubbling out of me for 3 years. Sometimes like a mountain spring, sometimes like a bad case of the farts.
All in all, there’s a lot of noise in my head. No matter what I’m doing, it tells me I ‘should’ be doing something else. Or doing it better.
I have ADHD which amplifies this voice.
I’ve dialed back the amount I do of late. And it’s helped. I can be better in all aspects when I do one thing at once. Simple? Not for the neurodivergent. But I try.
I went to the doc to get help again, and I’ll be seeing my psych soon to discuss different medication. I’ve listened to some very helpful podcasts (I Have ADHD by Kristen Carder. Listen here.)
Then came the school holidays.
Months ago, I booked a trip to my friends’ place. Emma and Nick bought a 40-acre block of bush near Agnes Water. (Look up the town, the coast is beautiful).
I checked (before committing) if they had wifi so I could work. Yep, they do. Tickets booked.
By the time it came around, it was clear the last thing I needed was to be copywriting through my break.
So I surrendered to reading novels, spending time in nature with friends, and writing the book if it came to me.
And guess what? The rest worked wonders. The words flowed. I felt (and now I’m back, feel) amazing.
But you know what I heard in the silence?
Laid on the beach, a little voice said one profound sentence to me. I hesitated to tell Emma as once it was out it meant I had to pay attention.
It said:
Why don’t you design a life that you don’t need medicating to cope with?
BOOM.
OUCH.
I heard ya, little voice. Loud n clear.
Now, I’ve no idea what to do with that.
It sounds wise.
I’m not going to ditch the professionals’ advice based on a thought.
But nor am I going in with certainty that medicating to focus on the million things I want to be able to do is the answer either.
So, I’m sitting with it.
I wrote this post to honour that I have a little voice inside.
And now and again, when I’m still enough, it has some really smart stuff to say. Usually things that will take the best care of me.
So what is next?
I’ve vowed to keep enough space to hear it this next school term.
And I’ll keep mulling on what ‘design a life’ could look like.
I hope you got something out of this, and I’d love to hear from you if you did.
Drop me a message, anytime.
Thanks for being here,
Much love, mwah 💋.
Thanks for reading Just Wright!
This is my ‘Let’s Get Loud’ episode.
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